An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest
episode was just that, so he stayed put. Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. The drunk started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently, in an attempt to free himself of the sheets. He ended up with the soiled
sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there, staring down at the sheets, a hospital
security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, walked up to him and asked, "What the heck is going on?"
The drunk, still staring down at the sheets, replied, "I think I just beat the •••• out of a ghost."

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises,
two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this", said the man.
"I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole,
we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows.
We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around noticed one of the
cows had something white at its rear end.
I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball
with my wife's monogram on it ......stuck right in the middle of the cow's
butt.
That's when I made my big mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife,
'Hey, this Looks Like yours!'.
I don't remember much after that.

God is Watching.

This tale comes from a Catholic elementary school. .

Up at the head table in the cafeteria, one of the
nuns had placed a big bowl of bright red, fresh,
juicy apples. Beside the bowl, she placed a note
which read, "Take only one. Remember, God is
watching." At the other end of the table was a bowl
full of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, still
warm from the oven. Beside the bowl, a little note
scrawled in a child's handwriting which read, "Take
all you want. God's watching the apples".

>A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by
>the river.
>He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The
>minister notices the old drunk and says,
>"Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
>The drunk looks back and says,
>"Yes, preacher, I sure am."
>The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right
>backup.
>
>"Have you found Jesus?"
>the preacher asks.
>
>"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.
>The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up,
>and says,
>
>"Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
>"Noooo, I have not, reverend."
>
>The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds
>this time, brings him out of the water, and says in a harsh tone,
>
>"My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"
>The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher,
>"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
>

those were all great !!!

Can you believe it....four more years of Bushit in FL.!!!!
What the hell is the public at large thinking!!!!

Hey!, Hey!, Hey!!!!
I voted twice for him, take it easy!!!!!

Hail, Hail to the Shrub!

come on now!........
take it easy guys
shrub, thats funny.

ya, I wonder if he is plagued by dogs...

This lady is looking for turkeys at a local supermarket, she can't find one big enough to feed her family. She turns to a stock clerk and asks, do these turkeys get any bigger?
The clerk responds, NO, they are all dead now!!!!!

Dr. Ruth advise.......

http://www.funnyjunk.com/pic/0213.jpg

lol... that's a good one Manny!

More about the shrub at:

http://www.randomdudes.com/bush/bush.html

That is funny as s@it! I wonder if Hussein has taken a look???

I'll never be able to look at the President with respect again, oh yeah I forgot, I never did.

What's the difference between a geneologyst and a gynocologyst?

A geneologist looks up your family tree........
A gynecologyst looks up the family bush!!!!!!!!!!!

Late breaking news. President Bush has decided to next invade Iran after Iraq because he heard that if you have three in a row you can put up hotels.....

at least he's putting them up, and not sleeping with 18 year old's in them.

Great chocolate quote!!!!!
Inside me, there’s a thin woman trying to get out…
But I can usually shut that bitch up with chocolate.