The Comments Zagats Could not print...

I got this in an E-Mail-

If you're into restaurants, you probably know the Zagat guides. In addition to their own food critics, they welcome reader comments on restaurants you've visited recently. BUT, some of the comments they get can't be used. Here are some samples that had me ROFL. (Long, but funny)

Don't Eat Here…

Real comments from ZagatSurvey diners.

Duck must have had a long flight -- tired, tough and took 90 minutes
to arrive.

Portions so small I started laughing -- prices so high I started
crying.

Too snooty, but so am I.

Eat the crayons. They taste like the calamari.

Have yet to learn that heat is an integral part of the cooking
process.

Abandon tastebuds all ye who enter here.

Someone please close this restaurant. The food is as old as the
customers.

I've had much better Cajun, but I'm not going to tell you where.

Should shut down the restaurant and just serve the view.

Food [is] is served as cold as the faux-stone pillars, and as slowly
as the Romans advancing over the Dolomites in a particularly harsh
winter.

I think one of the ceramic pigs that adorn the walls could have given
better service.

The waiter flipped our pizza onto the floor, face down. He scooped it
back up and told us it was okay.

Why does it always smell like mildew?

Suffers from delusions of adequacy

Took a doggie bag home; the dog refused it

Filled with flowers and all the things that make flowers grow

Waiters just back from the Jihad

Mashed potatoes and attitudes don't mix

Be sure to sit in the no-shooting section

Saves fuel bills ­ the heartburn will keep you warm all winter

If I say anything bad about the place, I might get whacked

Dishes look like road kill

"Hi, I'm obviously underage. Margarita please"

Like a skunk, it's small, it's cute and it stinks

The look might be French but the staff is Martian

Makes prunes desirable

I can defrost better

The last stop before food stamps

A petri dish gone horribly, horribly wrong

Where's the health department?

Better service in a self-help gas station

Wins for most roach sightings

Totally vegged out

Should be renamed Barfing Dog

At 26, you're a senior citizen

Where the boys can be girls and no one will notice

Could have changed my oil two times from the bottom of the pasta dish

The only good thing about this restaurant is leaving it

Take your time, the staff sure does

I cannot give credit to [this place] other than to praise them for
hiring the mentally handicapped

Will make you long for McDonalds

The roaches always get the best seats

Chef's responsibility is to turn on the microwave

Great portions. Car was stolen from lot.

Getting mugged at gunpoint in their parking lot left a bad taste in my
mouth

Confuses grease with Greece

They put the salmon in salmonella

The only thing authentic about this joint is the heartburn and the
check

I get sick from the food every time. At least it has consistency

If I want a fatty sandwich served by a walking attitude, I'll go to
Mom's

Food tastes like socks

To call it a dump would be flattering

Like oh my Gawd, like can you believe how cool I am?

Waitresses trained by Joseph Stalin

The cockroaches are more energetic than the management

The Bronx Zoo with Food

Perfect for your fasting day

Where you can eat the cast of "Bambi"

So noisy you can't hear yourself taste

Even the water gives you heartburn

The proportions are the size of Jesse Helm's grants to the arts

Grandma cooked like this, Grandpa died young

Wonder why there aren't any cats in Chinatown? Eat here

Gay Chuck E. Cheese

Good seafood, but waiter should be used as fish bait

Gets an "A" for attitude

The old waiters are fresher than the fish

Beats Prozac as a mood lifter

Meatloaf tastes like it's made from Alpo

Tums, please

Bette Davis would agree: What a dump!

Must be laundering money

Requested no-sugar food. Blood tests later proved they broke their
promise!

Not what it used to be and it did not used to be much

The average age here is deceased

Better to skip a meal than eat here

Caught recycling wine not finished by diners

Why?

Food is icky, tables are sticky, waitress has a hickey, stay home if
you're picky