| By Mbw (Mbw) on Friday, July 26, 2002 - 06:04 pm: Edit |
"Walking out the back door"
Sung to the tune of "Knocking on Heavans door"
V #1
Take these knives away from me
I just can't use them anymore
Won't hold and edge with stone or steel
I feel like walking out the back door
C
Walk walk walking out the back door.
repete
repete
I feel like walkin out the back door
V #2
Take these chefs off of me
I just can't wear them anymore
It's getting hot, too hot to see
I feel like walkin out the back door
C
V #3
Chef you've got a delivery
I ain't gonna check em in no more
and do your own F*&%$ing inventory
you see cause I am walking out the back door
C
This version by Mark Hollywood <--- HS stage name
| By Mbw (Mbw) on Wednesday, July 31, 2002 - 08:26 pm: Edit |
How many caterers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Lightbulbs? There not on MY load list.
| By Chefspike (Chefspike) on Thursday, August 01, 2002 - 01:34 am: Edit |
MBW, Loved the song..........
You may have a future in writting!
Can you do more, and could I use it, them in my book?
| By Chefgbs (Chefgbs) on Thursday, August 01, 2002 - 08:16 am: Edit |
How many CIA externs does it take to change a light bulb?
4 - 1 to change it and 3 to talk about how they did it on externship.
| By Peachcreek (Peachcreek) on Thursday, August 01, 2002 - 10:19 am: Edit |
How many chefs does it take to change a lightbulb?
CHEFS DON'T CHANGE LIGHTBULBS!
How many managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
OMG! MANAGERS KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?
How many waitstaff does it take to change a lightbulb?
Actually 4, maybe 5. One to tell the busboy to do it, the rest to tell the manager that changing lightbulbs isn't in their job description.
How many dishwashers does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of 'em. But heck, at least you aren't the one doing dishes.
How many cooks does it take to change a lightbulb.
Only one. Because if you have more than one they will disagree on the method.
How many culinary school grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
Don't ask! The last thing you want to hear is some saying "$50,000 on an education and the have me changing #^%#**& lightbulbs!"
| By Chefspike (Chefspike) on Thursday, August 01, 2002 - 11:40 am: Edit |
Those are very funny.
I noticed that there are not Pastry Chef's mentioned.
Come to think of it, I can't remember anyone asking me to change a bulb...
You do it with a 60 qt. Hobart paddle, right??
| By Peachcreek (Peachcreek) on Thursday, August 01, 2002 - 04:46 pm: Edit |
How many pastry chefs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Zero. They work better if they are left in the dark.
| By Chefmanny (Chefmanny) on Thursday, August 01, 2002 - 06:50 pm: Edit |
You know what a pastry chef is don't you?
It's only a Chef with his brains beat out!!!
Or is it the opposite, excuse me I am a Chef!!!!
Just kidding I know it takes much more knowledge to be a great pastry chef and my hat's off to all you guys and ladies!
You do an awesome job for any operation!!!
You are way undervalued!!!!
OK, I'm buzzed but this does not excuse my comments, especially regarding Spike!!!!!!
| By Peachcreek (Peachcreek) on Thursday, August 01, 2002 - 07:41 pm: Edit |
How many lowlife foodservice workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
"Wow. You can screw in a lightbulb. We usually just went in the office....".
| By Chefspike (Chefspike) on Thursday, August 01, 2002 - 08:10 pm: Edit |
Those are all very good.
Is it hot in Florida or is Manny caught a buzz?
Peachcreek, thats why you should never leave your office unlocked.
LOL
| By Chefgbs (Chefgbs) on Thursday, August 01, 2002 - 10:17 pm: Edit |
How does a pastry chef screw in a light bulb?
He puts the bulb in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him (or her).
--------------------------------------------------
How can you tell if a pastry chef has been using the chef's computer?
There's white out on the screen.
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How can you tell if the pastry sous has been on the computer after the pastry chef?
There's writing on the white out.
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What do you call an executive chef standing in between two pastry chefs?
A translator.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you call 10 pastry chefs standing shoulder to shoulder?
A wind tunnel.
Are you happy now, Spike?
| By Chefspike (Chefspike) on Thursday, August 01, 2002 - 10:33 pm: Edit |
I really liked that first one.
********************************************
You know what you call a Ex. Chef, who comes into the Pastry shop making demans.....
A Knife rack.......
********************************************
You know what Pastry Chef's say to Sous Chef's...
Nothing....we don't speak to them
********************************************
You know what uninvited guests in the pastry shop are?
Targets.........
********************************************
You know what waitress in the pastry shop are?
Looking for it.......
********************************************
| By Mbw (Mbw) on Wednesday, August 07, 2002 - 04:47 pm: Edit |
Feeling lucky??
A particularly difficult prep cook was portining salmon for a catering. He was instructed to put 14 8oz portions per pan, He was always challenging the chef, on recipies proceedure, etc.. So the chef made SURE he understood and couldn't worm out of it.
The day of the event the chef was loading salmon in the oven, he had counted pans, but NOT portions. Just then the chef turned to the prep, and said,"I know what you are thinking. Did I put in 13 portions, or did I put in 14. To tell you the truth, in the all the confusion I lost count myself. Just ask your self. Do you feel lucky? Well? Do ya punk?
| By Mbw (Mbw) on Wednesday, August 07, 2002 - 04:51 pm: Edit |
The Ice man.
Ok not a joke, but a real **Snicker** story.
I heard of an angry dishwasher that had been balled out by the chef. When the chef went into the freezer the diswasher took a 5 gal bucket of HOT water and doused the door. The ice built up on the sides melted, and refroze to lock him in. Sure it wasn't locked BUT the ice had made it REAL hard to open the door. when he emerged (alive) the dishwasher was no where to be seen..
Dishwashers can be deadly
| By George (George) on Friday, August 09, 2002 - 08:09 am: Edit |
Quote from ??
"The Hospitality Industry would be a great career to work in, if it wern't for the fact you have to deal with the public. So I became a Chef"
| By Peachcreek (Peachcreek) on Monday, August 12, 2002 - 03:42 pm: Edit |
16 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK...
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't
care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the
bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
16. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as
gross
| By Chefmanny (Chefmanny) on Tuesday, August 13, 2002 - 12:15 am: Edit |
Awesome!!!!!!!!!Let's not forget the best one..."The Chef is a drunk!!!!!
| By Mbw (Mbw) on Tuesday, August 13, 2002 - 10:21 pm: Edit |
Isn't that a given?
| By Mbw (Mbw) on Wednesday, January 15, 2003 - 06:17 pm: Edit |
Funeral refferals
This just happened last night, and was funny enough to post as a joke.
Setup: I was called by a family that needed catering the next day for their fathers funeral. After promising to do what I could for them the daughter said.
"Oh thank you. You will be taken care of well, and in fact I have an uncle that is really quite.. well he isn't doing so well. So if you do a good job of this memorial I will have more work for you comming up.
"Gee thanks miss, lets just concentrate on tomorrow"
Just call me "Chef Death"
At 2AM I received a call that there had been a head on collision, and they were calling it off.. Brings new meaning the Greek tradgedy
Greek family and all.